Temari vs Ino: The Fight for Shikamaru
by zubification
Summary: That's Right! It's the fight for the sexist lazy ass! Oh, and if there are any Ino fans read this... STOP RIGHT NOW! FOR THERE IS MAJOR INO BASHING TO FOLLOW THIS SUMMARY! teh end is up!
1. all hell breaks loose

**A/N; If you like Ino… TURN BACK NOW!!!!!! **_**MAJOR **_**Ino bashing… YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!!!!!!! **

**Temari vs. Ino: All Hell Breaks Loose**

Shikamaru was sitting in his favorite spot to watch clouds when Ino came up and plopped down next to him.

"What's up, Shika-kun?"

"Shikamaru," he said knowing she would still call him 'Shika-kun'.

"Yeah, but Shika-kun sounds better."

"…" he really didn't care as she started talking to him about troublesome girl crap. He kinda just spaced out watching the clouds _until _she started shaking his arm and yelling at him.

"WHAT THE HELL?!?! ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!?! SHIKA-KUN!!!!!"

"He, obviously, doesn't want to listen to you." A voice said from behind them. They both turned around to see Temari standing there, mini skirt and all. "What up, Shika-baby?"

"The clouds."

"You'll answer her, but not me?!?! That's mean," Ino said, glaring at her rival.

_Oh, god, here we go with the troublesome girl drama. Damn all I want is some peace and quiet. Maybe I'll hide in my closet… no they'll find me. _Shikamaru stared at the girls as they started screaming at each other… correction, as Ino started screaming at Temari and Temari kinda talking in her cocky way… you know, 'he doesn't like you cause you suck', he likes me cause I'm awesome'… Ino replied 'bitch!"… And as it started a fight, Shikamaru got up and walked away, unnoticed by either of the girls. _Maybe I can hide at Chouji's house…_

///he's not so lucky\\\

"SHIKA-BABY!!!!"

"Hi, Te… Oh, hi Ino." Shikamaru said as he saw Ino storm into Chouji's house, where he was trying to hide.

"What do you mean, 'oh, hi Ino'?" She asked as she sat down.

"I thought you were Temari because she always calls me 'shika-baby' and you always call me 'shika-kun'… so yeah…"

"WHAT?!?! I AIN'T THAT BITCH!!!!!" Ino screamed in Shikamaru's ear.

"And I ain't that whore," Temari said as she sat next to Shikamaru. "So you wanna go on a date tomorrow, Shika-baby?"

"NO!!!! WE'RE GOING ON A DATE!!!!!!!" Ino shrieked, which started a fight between them. Shikamaru looked pleadingly towards Chouji using is eyes to say _Please help… You are my _best_ friend so come on and HELP!!! _Chouji saw the plea and using his eyes he said _they'll kill me so I can't help or it would mean instant death. _Shikamaru saw that and said, using his eyes, _so you're just gonna let them fight over me until they kill me?_ Chouji replied, using his eyes _n- _when Temari and Ino intervened.

With Ino's saying "your taking me on a date right? Shika-kun?

"No, he's taking me on a date" Temari retorted. Shikamaru looked from one to the other, knowing saying yes to either one would mean death by the other…_ all right…think off a way you can say no without either of them killing you… I know…! _"I'll take you each on a date and see who gets on my nerves less"

"Fine" they both said and they left.

"Dude your crazy" Chouji laughed

"You know if we had enough pudding we could get them to fight there that would be friggin awesome, man" Kiba piped up

"Well I hate you both cause you didn't save me from the evil hormones"

"Sorry but I was enjoying it"

"Kiba you're a damned pervert"

"Well I did learn from the best"

"Who?"

"Kakashi and Jariya. Ooh I'm going to run the idea by them"

"When did you even get here?"

"When I heard fighting girls"

**A/N; Ha Ha!!!! Poor Shka-Shka-kun!!!!(Yes I spelt it like that on purpose) So how will the dates go? Who will win? And why is Kiba such a pervert? Well read to find out!!!!! And review!!!!! And… read my other stories!!!! And if you do****… COOKIES FOR YOU!!!!!!**

**p.S. I need suggestions on what Ino's plot should be!!!! **


	2. ino's plot

**Temari vs. Ino; Ino's plot**

Temari, Hinata, and Tenten were all sitting around talking about Temari's date with Shikamaru.

"So what are you going to do if Ino shows up to ruin your date?" Tenten asked between stuffing her face.

"What are you eating?!?!" Temari said as she saw Tenten stuff the fourteenth whatever-it-was in her mouth.

"Tacos," she said shoving the fifteenth in her mouth.

"Tacos? I thought we got banned from the mall (all the good tacos came from the mall)." Temari said sweatdropping as the sixteenth taco disappeared.

Chew. Chew. Swallow. "I sent Neji to get me some."

"But Neji was banned, too."

"He was? Then how did he get them?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Where are they going?!?!" Hinata said as Tenten picked up three tacos and shoved them in.

"How do you eat so much without getting fat?!?!" Temari said, poking Tenten's stomach.

"Idunno" Tenten could barely get out between inhaling her food.

"You're worse then Naruto and ramen!" Hinata exclaimed watching the twenty-third taco get sucked into the bottomless pit that was Tenten's stomach.

"But tacos are good and ramen is icky." Tenten responded as she swallowed the twenty-fifth taco. "And how did Neji get banned anyway?"

"How did you guys get banned from the mall?" Hinata asked as the twenty-sixth, twenty-seventh, and twenty-eighth tacos disappeared.

"Loooooooooooooong story."

_Flashback_

_Temari and Tenten were in Bath and Body Works so Temari could get perfume. Being girls, they had to smell everything in the store. Temari picked up a lotion and got a really evil idea. "Hey, Tenten! Come smell this one, it's really nice."_

_Tenten walked over and as she bent down to smell it, Temari squeezed it, making the lotion come out and covering Tenten's nose and face in it. "Bitch!!!" And with that, Tenten grabbed some lotion and squirted it on Temari._

"_Oh, no, she diddent!!!" And Temari got some body wash and poured it on Tenten's head. Tenten then dumped a bottle of perfume on Temari. One thing lead to another and an all out lotion war broke out. This continued until the mall cops came in and asked them what they were doing._

"_It was her!!!" they both said, pointing at the other._

"_Yes, well I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."_

"_Gawd, Temari look what you did!!" Tenten said as they were bounced out of the mall._

_End Flashback_

"Wow guys…" Hinata said as Tenten shoveled the… damn I lost count!!!

Temari watched the tacos vanish into Tenten's mouth. "How many of those have you had?!?!"

"Around fifty or so."

"GEEZ!!!!"

"Do you even taste them?!?!"

"Yes, and they are delicious."

"…?"

"Um… erg… So… Temari, w-what are you gonna do if Ino shows up during your date?" Hinata asked, trying to change the subject.

"Erg… Wha?"

"What are you going to do if Ino shows up?"

"Ooooooh… I'm going to break her face."

"Can you-" swallow, "actually break someone's face?"

"Yes, you can."

"When _is_ your date anyway?"

Temari looked down at her watch. "In ten minutes. Wait… WHAT!?!? (Yes, it contradicts my other story, Life with the Sand Sibs; Temari has a date, but whatever)"

With that, Temari jumped up and ran off to get ready.

Hinata shook her head and turned to Tenten. "Oh, god, where did you get the ice cream?"

Ino watched as Shikamaru picked Temari up from her house.

"And so my plot begins!!! Mwhahahahaha!!!!!" Ino said, talking to herself (nut job).

Ino followed as they walked down the street to the restaurant Temari had picked. But when they got there they found that a certain someone (cough cough Ino cough cough) had rented the entire place for the night.

"Now they will go to the barbeque as suggested by Shikamaru!!!" Ino whispered to herself as the hostess told them that the place had been rented for the night. As planned, Shikamaru suggested they go to the barbeque and Temari agreed. But as they got there, the wait for a table was an hour and a half… as Ino had planned. Then suggested was the ramen place, which was mysteriously out of ramen, because a certain obsessed fangirl/Ino had paid Naruto and Chouji to eat all the ramen. All the restaurants/eating establishments had something wrong with them.

"So what are we gonna do?" Temari asked as she and Shikamaru walked down the street.

"I don't know… How troublesome…"

"Mwahahahaha!!! Now they will go home because they can't go anywhere!!!" Ino cackled as she watched them.

"Why don't we go stargazing?"

Ino stopped her maniacal laughter at that comment. "NOT according to plan!!!"

"Ok," Temari said as they walked down the street to the park.

Ino was at a loss for words. "This is not according to plan…go home, peoples… **GO**_** HOME!!!!!**_"

The last part was a little too loud. Temari and Shikamaru turned, but, unfortunately, Ino had enough time to hide behind a bench. They turned back and Ino stomped off pissed.

**LOL!!! It sucks that Temari didn't see Ino, cause then Temari would break Ino's face!!! Tenten and her tacos… lord, there is something the matter with that girl… Gawd! **


	3. temari's plot

**Temari vs. Ino; Temari's plot**

Temari, Hinata, and Tenten were all sitting around listening to Temari's plan of action to make Ino's date go wrong.

"So, what am I doing again?" Tenten said pulling a box of pocky out and sticking one in her mouth along with some dango.

"Just wait 'til we get there and I'll tell you again."

Temari peeked into the window of Ino's room. "All clear," she whispered back to Hinata, who was around the corner of the house. She then looked up and nodded to Tenten who was watching Temari over the edge of the roof. _Everything is going right so far._

Hinata had gotten Ino out of the house by convincing Kiba to "accidentally" dynamic mark Ino as she walked to her house from the hair salon. This made Ino chase Kiba so she could kill him and mess up her hair, making it possible for the plan to work.

Temari then proceeded to break the window of Ino's room and she climbed in. As Hinata stepped in the room, Temari noticed the difference in her cloths. Instead of her usual purple sweatshirt and pants, she was wearing an all black jacket and sweatpants. Tenten's outfit was considerably different, too. She was wearing a black shirt and black Capri's. Temari looked down at what she was wearing, which consisted of a black kimono. So, basically, they all looked like burglars. Well, whatever.

Temari walked to the closet and threw all Ino's cloths to Tenten. "Get rid of them."

"Ooh, fun!!!" Tenten said jumping out of the window. Temari nodded to Hinata and they got right to work. Hinata walked over to Ino's makeup and replaced it all with hot pink, electric blue, bright green, neon yellow and some other ugly makeup colors. Temari had gone around the house and set all the clocks back an hour and a half. She also replaced all her shampoo, conditioner and hair crap with hair dye (bright pink and neon blue!!!), she filled all Ino's nail polish bottles with super glue, and stole all her shoes except the ugly brown ones with the holes in them. And she put the most holey and gross cloths in her closet. She then proceeded to pour all Ino's perfume into one bottle, shake it up, and pour it into the other bottles.

**Where Tenten is**

Tenten was quite enjoying herself. After Temari had given her Ino's close and told her "Get rid of them," Tenten had gone off to the middle of the woods and burned them. And she was roasting marshmallows over it and making s'mores. She soon heard the sound of someone coming up to her and she jumped up with her "spear", which was a stick with a kunai tied to the end of it, that she happened to be using to put her marshmallows, and the marshmallow had caught on fire.

When Temari stepped out and saw Tenten, she started cracking up, "Fear the great and all mighty Tenten, with her flaming marshmallow and rabies."

Tenten had marshmallow on her face so it looked like she was rabid. Hinata then walked in, looking from the cracking up Temari, to the rabid Tenten, to the burning cloths, to the flaming marshmallow, "What are you _doing?_"

This just made Temari laugh harder and Tenten blew off her marshmallow and ate it. "Really, Tenten, do you ever stop eating?"

"Yes when I'm asleep."

Temari laughed even harder and Hinata turned to her, "WHAT?!?!"

"I-it's just t-that I-I've seen Tenten eat a p-p-pi-pillow in her s-s-sl-s-lee-sleep before!" Temari barely got out before cracking up. Hinata kept a straight face for a second, but went into fits of laughter. They sat there laughing while Tenten made herself more s'mores. "S-so T-Tenten… What did you d-do with her c-cloths?" Temari said between giggles.

Tenten pointed to the fire and threw a sock in.

"You b-burned th-" Temari tried saying, but burst into laughter.

20 minutes later

Ino stomped into her house and flipped the light switch… and nothing happened. "What the…?" Flick off. Flick on. Flick off. Flick on. Flick off. The lights wouldn't come on. Ino sat there for five minutes flipping it on and off, but nothing happened. "Come on!!! Come ON!!! I have my date with Shikamaru!!! COME ON!!!!" More flicking. More not turning on. She then tried every light in the house to no avail. "GAWD!!!! WORK!!!!!"

She finally just got out a flashlight and went to her room. _I can do my makeup in the dark… I know what every container feels like. _And so she started… not noticing the fact that her makeup had been switched. She then went to do her hair and since it was dark didn't realize that her hair was turning hot pink and electric blue. She had already laid the cloths she was going to wear out (Temari had put a replacement there) and put on the clothes that were on the bed. Pulling the smallest bottle of perfume off the dresser, she sprayed it over all her cloths and arms and neck. She looked toward the clock, _Oh, no… I have ten minutes 'til I have to meet him. _She got up, walked out of the house, and casually started down the road.

Temari watched Ino walk out of the house like she was all that and a bag of potato chips, stifling laughter. She looked like she had pulled her clothes out of the trash and her hair…hahaha… was striped bright blue and neon pink. Her makeup looked like a tramp's and she smelt like a perfume store threw up on her. The back of her foot was sticking out. It was so bad, Temari almost felt sorry for her… _almost_. Tenten was having issues with the stifling part and she heard a few little chuckles and Temari could tell Hinata felt bad by the look on her face. "Are you sure we had to do this?"

"Yes, it's for her own good because plan B is breaking her face."

"Yeah, but still…"

"Well, I'm enjoying myself!!!" Tenten said, looking at Ino again and laughing.

"But-" Hinata started when Temari intervened.

"Isn't she the one who always makes fun of Naruto?" Temari watched the look on Hinata's face change from guilty to angry.

"Yeah, she deserves it, and plus, you and Shikamaru will be good together."

Well, as expected, the date went HORRIBLY!!!! First of all, Ino was an hour and a half late, she looked TERRIBLE and she smelt so bad, Shikamaru could barely breath. It was great!!!

**Hahaha!!! Teh Ino bashing!!! It's funny!!! Next Chappy is Temari vs. Ino: The final Smckdown!!!**


	4. the final smack down

**Temari vs. Ino: The Final Smackdown**

Yet again, Temari stood outside of Ino's window, but this time she was alone. Ino had been interfering with her and Shikamaru too much and now she had to pay. Temari had waited until Ino's parents had left, but not Ino. She looked in, waited until Ino turned, and jumped through the window. Ino heard her and turned, kunai in hand, ready to fight. "Oh, you won't be needing that because I'll be doing this." Temari flipped her fan off her back and slammed it into Ino's face as hard as she could.

Seventy pound steel fan very powerful, very pissed off _ninja_ girl a lot of pain.

Temari then tied Ino up and threw her in her own closet. "Those aren't ordinary ropes and your parents are off on a mission, right? So, enjoy!!!" Temari slammed the door and moved Ino's dresser and bed in front of the closet. "That should do it!!!"

Three days later

Shikamaru was sitting in his house doing nothing when he heard "HEY SHIKBABY!!! GET YOUR LAZY ASS OUT HERE!!!" That loud of a mouth could only be Temari. He came out and saw her waiting for him.

"What up?" she asked hooking her arm in his.

"The clouds."

"Is that all you ever think about?"

"No, I think about how much easier life would be without women," he said earning him a smack in the head. "See." This got him another smack. Shikamaru looked around expecting to see Ino to come marching up. He hoped not though. Last time she nearly suffocated him with her per…per… whatever the hell woman wear to make them smell "good".

"Whatcha lookin' for?" Temari asked, watching him.

"Nothing… it's just that I haven't seen Ino in like… three days…"

"Ooooooh, I took care of that already." She said a glint of humor in her eyes.

"W-what you do to her?" Shikamaru asked, scared at the look on her face.

"I broke her face."

"Say what?"

"I broke… her face."

"How do you break someone's face?"

"I took my fan and smashed it into her face."

"…"

"…"

"Ow… my face hurts now," he said, rubbing his face.

"Be a good boy and you won't meet the same fate."

"Where is she?"

"Well, at this moment… I have no clue… but three days ago, I left in her closet… with a broken face… and her parents away on a mission… and no chance of escape…"

"…"

"…"

"You scare me…"

"Good"

At Ino's house

"Inoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo…Inooooo… where are you? I'm hungry… and don't have anyone to go with… Shikamaru is on a date with Te-" Chouji was saying when he heard muffled screaming. It sounded like it was coming from Ino's room so he went in there. What he found was Ino's bed leaning against the wall with her dresser under it. He moved them away and opened the closet door. And he found… he found… he… found… Ino covered in blood and tied up.

"You messed with Temari, didn't you?"

She nodded.

"If I untie you, will you scream?"

She shook her head.

"I don't believe you."

And so Chouji picked her up and took her to the hospital.

**MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! Temari broke Ino's face… literally!!!! YAY!!!! PEACE OUT!!! I be done!!!!!!!**


End file.
